The Good Guys
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Mike: A really unlucky guy. Always in trouble, always getting yelled at, always getting turned down for dates. Worst of all, he's once again working for the man who fired him and started this whole mess in the first place.
Young,
naive, lonely, and lacking both confidence and aspiration, Mike
is very much searching for his place in the
world. Fate, unemployment, and his impulsive
and often ill-advised behavior have since involved
him in a comic strip adventure, which is never
good for anyone. Nevertheless, he's kind and a jokester at heart.
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Stu
the Ninja: Stu is a card-carrying member
of the Ninja Union, currently on strike due to
a salary disagreement between the ninjas and senseis.
As such, Stu has traveled the world doing odd-jobs,
mostly earning a living as a freelance bodyguard,
mercenary, and occasionally as a vigilante lawyer,
one of the sacred arts of the Ninja.
Stu
is highly skilled in most (but not all...yet) Ninja arts, including
breathing underwater, super awesome fighting skills, and
being able to eat and drink without taking his
mask off. However, Stu refuses to follow the
Ninja tradition of seppuku. Whether this is
based on a personal preference or the fact that
he is prone to failure is debatable.
The perpetual
strike has left Stu looking for purpose, resulting
in an often overzealous search for action and
adventure. Honorable to a fault--lacks the ruthlessness
and killer instinct of a typical ninja, but
is still extremely dangerous. Maintains a love-hate
relationship with his arch-rival, Evil Bad Guy
Ninja.
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Renee
Welbourne: Mysterious young woman
who allegedly drives a truck around the desert,
delivering office supplies to desert labs and
research facilities. Sassy and defensive, her
solitary line of work leads her to pursue (and
pick on) new friends and adventure. Appears to have an affinity
for maintaining high scores on all the old arcade
machines found in truckstops on her route. |
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Jeff: Tired, battered, but world-wise veteran of Bob's TV and Bridge Repair Service. Unhappy, but seems unwilling to make changes in his life. Has worked for Bob for the last 18 years with literally nothing to show for it. Feels like it's too late to try something new or do something for himself. |
The
Villains
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Bob: Gluttunous, tyrannical owner of a chain
of TV and bridge repair shops covering most of
the Midwest. Bob is extremely bitter, cruel, and very
paranoid of his employee’s actions. Makes excessive use of force and fear to bend his employees to his will. Unbeknownst to the general public, Bob actually employs agents to sabotage TVs and bridges to increase business. The
pay is terrible, and there are no Christmas bonuses. |
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Todd: Bob's #1 brown-nosing supervisor and Employee of the Month 57 months and counting. Todd gets the job done with unfailing precision and efficiency, but is completely devoid of personality, compassion, and sense of humor. Quick to discipline. Likes gyros. |
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Bee Man: A swarm of bees that developed human personality after contact with a truck driver and a toxic goo spill, Bee Man seeks revenge for the fallen members of the swarm that were killed with bug spray by an unassuming traveler. Deadly, but easily distracted by pollen. |
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Evil
Bad Guy Ninja: Evil Bad Guy Ninja is
one of three bounty hunters sent out to eliminate
Stu the Ninja. Beyond that which is explained
in this paragraph, little is known of this mysterious
and dangerous individual. He bears the title of
Great White Ninja (not to be confused with this
ninja or this
ninja) and before the ninja strike, was widely
considered the world’s finest assassin.
He is also Stu’s old training partner and
rival. An extremely cunning and vicious warrior,
Evil Bad Guy Ninja’s accomplishments have
earned him an infamous and notorious reputation
worldwide. Few have escaped him, and those who
have usually end up in a mental hospital or cardboard
box on the street—if Evil Bad Guy Ninja
cannot eliminate his target, he eliminates everything
else important to them. His true purpose in life,
however, is to settle an old score…with
Stu! |
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Mayor
Robert Pratt: Pratt is the
mayor of San Francisco. Extremely arrogant, violent,
and without respect for his constituents, people
have been wondering for years how Pratt manages
to stay in office. He can do pretty much whatever
he wants without consequence in San Francisco,
including blasting the constituency (both literally
and figuratively) and engaging in wanton political
corruption. Has the necessary suave and smugness
of any good politician, but usually forgoes these
qualities and just uses his incredible abuse of
power to bring the city to its knees. Why won't
anyone stop him? |
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Jackson: Jackson is one of three bounty hunters sent out
to eliminate Stu the Ninja. Fairly incompetent
in ability, Jackson uses the persona of popular
slasher Jason Vorhees to intimidate his prey more
than anything. Dim-witted and desperate for a
kill, Jackson has since abandoned his menacing,
silent-but-deadly routine, and is now more likely
to ask around for information, and has come to
be quite charming in many of his endeavors. He
usually wields an ax or machete, but they have
become rather dull from lack of maintenance and
from all the times Jackson hits random objects
with them, fantasizing about a real kill. |
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Irrational
Robot Antagonist (IRA): IRA is one of
three bounty hunters sent out to eliminate Stu
the Ninja. The origin of IRA is classified information.
However, it is known that IRA is programmed to
be a killing machine, but its killing is done
by extremely irrational and indirect means. While
IRA more than has the ability to simply and straightforwardly
eliminate a target with its weaponry (which it
is known to do when threatened), its programming
dictates it take a more elaborate, unnecessary,
and irrational approach to tracking, stalking,
and eventually destroying its prey in fantastic
and often explosive fashion. |
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Hired
Goons and the Hired Goon Association (HGA): These thugs are everywhere these
days. The Hired Goon Association is an organization of muscle-for-hire dedicated to doing dirty work for other people for money. However, they naturally tend to overstep their bounds and occasionally cross the line between an alleged public service and a ruthless terrorist organization.
Recently, hired goons have become quite popular and rather
affordable, as well. Expendable Enterprises®
has even developed the popular Goon-O-Matic™
Hired Goon Dispenser, which hires out thugs
at the low price of 25 cents per five minutes.
These machines are conveniently located at most
local shopping malls, sports arenas, rest areas,
and other common vending machine locations.
Goons can also be hired on a more long-term
basis as personal bodyguards, bouncers, security
guards, etc. from the HGA and Expendable Enterprises through
a special mail-order service.
Hired
Goons are bound by the HGA terms
of service. They must
carry out their employer’s orders--even
if this means they must fight other hired goons,
they will do so willingly. Hired Goons, however,
remain close friends with each other, despite
the fact that they sometimes must beat each
other senseless. Most are merciless killing
machines, while other, more intelligent goons
tend to use their charisma or bargaining abilities
to fulfill the orders of their employers. Almost
all goons are skilled to some degree in hand-to-hand
combat. Most prefer clubbing weapons or firearms,
while many specialty goons use swords, nunchaku,
grenades, or other weapons. Typically, if you
get a goon that doesn’t use a club or
a gun, it is considered a rarity and a special
treat.
Each
Goon-O-Matic™ Hired Goon Dispenser is
actually a teleportation device which is linked
back to a teleportation pod at the HGA Fortress
Headquarters in Los Angeles. During working
hours, hired goons have access to nearly limitless
forms of recreation at HGA Headquarters until
they are called into duty. |
Other
Faces Along the Way
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The
Mean Unemployment Lady: Handing out job
opportunities and unemployment benefits for 30
years at the Stumpville House of the Unemployed
can do terrible things to a person. Case in point,
the Mean Unemployment Lady. Get in, get help,
get out, and you won’t displease her. She
doesn’t hesitate to call House security
when a troublemaker starts asking questions or
expects a lot from her. Middle-aged, menopausal,
multi-chinned, she refuses to leave the job she
hates and, to be perfectly honest, just doesn’t
have much going for her these days at all. Mike
failed to realize that she was not a person to
question, and had the establishment’s hired
goon sicked on him and the intervening Stu the
Ninja. |
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That
Bitter Ninja: Over the years, this struggling
ninja (also on strike, like all ninjas) has lost
his purpose in life, unsure of how to move on
to a new career, growing more and more bitter
as he slowly begins to realize that the strike
will probably never be resolved. Unlike Stu, he
has not been able to adapt his ninja skills to
other jobs and situations. He has held a few jobs
since the strike, most recently settling in nicely
with a local insurance company. However, he cannot
let go of the fact that he is a ninja and lusts
for even the slightest hope that he may once again
have an opportunity to perform the job he loves
so much. He frequents the Ninja Factory Outlet
Store, reliving the glory days of when it was
of some use to him. Extremely annoyed when he
is mistaken for other ninjas. |
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Johnny
Thunder: Not to be confused with the
DC Comics superhero of the same name, Johnny Thunder
is just one of Stumpville’s many barflies.
Horribly ignorant, confused, and usually intoxicated,
Johnny Thunder is out for brews, women, and blood,
in that particular order. When there aren’t
any women, Johnny gets his kicks picking fights
with the weak. Johnny is that guy at the bar nobody
likes, except for those other guys he always drinks
with and tries to impress to no end. He’s
also one of those guys that tries too hard to
impress the ladies, so he only scores when he’s
drunk and so is she. He fears weirdos that wander
into his bars. |
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Truckers: For reasons yet to be revealed, but dealing in
some way with the ninja strike, truckers and ninjas
do NOT get along. Feeling wronged by the actions
of the ninjas, truckers typically just try to
avoid socialization with ninjas. However, they
will not hesitate to inflict some serious pain
when provoked, and especially if a ninja asks
them for assistance. |
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Author: Confused, disembodied entity who screws things
up every now and then, occasionally interjecting
himself into a story to make self-deprecating
comments on flaws in the story or artwork. On
a related note, characters in the story are occasionally
known to exploit the failures of the author to
their advantage. |
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