Locations
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Bob’s
TV and Bridge Repair Service: The headquarters
of Bob’s chain of TV and bridge repair service
shops. This was Mike’s place of employment
before he was fired. Located on the outskirts
of Stumpville. In a vain attempt to make all his
employees feel more equal and to look upon him
with more respect, Bob opted to have the headquarters
of his company look just like all the other locations.
It didn’t work.
(Bob’s
TV and Bridge Repair Service is based on an
actual location in an old shareware game called God of Thunder, a humorous Zelda-like
overhead action RPG. There was a part in the
game where you had to get a bridge fixed in
order to get to a certain area. Luckily, a nearby
town had a TV and bridge repair shop—“if
we can’t fix it, it ain’t broke!”)
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Wasted
Space Filler, Incorporated: Stop wasting
all of your precious space! Wasted Space Filler,
Inc. has just what you need to plug those empty
areas with quality scenery, furniture, an entire
building, or whatever it is you want to spruce
up those empty rooms and unsightly blank backgrounds.
Don’t put up with those pretentious snobs
who complain about your negative space. Tell them
to stuff it!—with quality filler from Wasted
Space Filler, Incorporated! Located right next
to Bob’s TV and Bridge Repair Service. |
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Annoying
Neon Sign Construction Company: Want
one of those big, bright, buzzing, bothersome
neon signs for business or pleasure? The good
folks at Annoying Neon Sign Construction Company
are here to help you, with 26 locations in the
tri-city area alone. No business is complete without
emitting a striking neon glow and ambient pollution
into the night sky. Concerned about causing traffic
accidents or damaging vision? No problem! ANSC’s
unique “small print” option embeds
legal disclaimers right into your sign, preventing
any legal repercussions taken against your sign’s
harmful effects! If ANSC’s signs don’t
attract more business, they’ll increase
the brightness of your sign free of charge…
how can you go wrong with Annoying Neon Sign Construction
Company? Located right next to Bob’s TV
and Bridge Repair Service. |
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Stumpville
House of the Unemployed: This impressive
establishment was constructed to deal with Stumpville’s
massive unemployment problem 30 years ago. The
House of the Unemployed functions as an unemployment
office, homeless shelter, tavern, coffee shop,
publisher, hobo camp, and recording studio. It
has been named the nation’s number one unemployment
center for six consecutive years, though many
believe the large and annoying neon sign atop
the building drives away potential unemployed
visitors. |
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Earl’s
Diner: As the slogan says, “For
hero soliloquies and origin stories,” Earl’s
is the place for Stumpville’s interesting
people, storied characters, superheroes, and other
curious individuals to gather, dine, and swap
stories. Earl’s is famous for its chicken
strips, scalloped potatoes, and the 1998 Hero’s
Convention (HeroCon), which featured Q&A sessions
with the nation’s greatest heroes, merchandise
booths, and a showcase of the finest local and
indie superheroes. Earl’s is open 24 hours
a day, seven days a week, and serves breakfast,
lunch, and dinner. Carry-out is available. Located
in downtown Stumpville, two convenient blocks
from City Hall. |
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Ninja
Factory Outlet Store: Stumpville once
suffered from an immense ninja population, resulting
in this rare establishment. While the number of
ninjas in the Stumpville area has been on the
rise again as of late thanks to the strike, the
Ninja Factory Outlet Store had virtually no business
for years, but somehow still manages to survive,
perhaps by means or forces we cannot understand.
This particular branch sells all varieties of
ninja equipment to registered ninjas, as well
as ninja-based merchandise, martial arts films
(for education and entertainment), and a variety
of comics, games, and toys. Located on the west
end of the Waterfront district. |
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Sass
‘N Gas: An odd chain of service
stations typically found in rural areas, Sass
‘N Gas is a place most people don’t
really feel comfortable stopping at and usually
only do it because they have no other choice.
Sass ‘N Gas stations are well known for
their particularly rude and back-talking employees
who seem to always serve customers willingly,
but never without disdain and contempt. Since
nobody likes to be sassed, Sass ‘N Gas locations
seem to only be found in the most remote of areas,
where customers have no choice but to stop or
run out of gas. It is rumored that many of the
sassy employees of these stations aren’t
actually sassy, but Sass ‘N Gas policy deems
they must uphold the sassy traditions of the company,
the origins of which are sketchy, at best. |
Interesting
Objects of Varying Plot Significance
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Expendable
Enterprises® Goon-O-Matic™ Hired Goon
Dispenser: This ingenious contraption
is actually a teleportation device linked to the
Hired Goon Association Fortress Headquarters in
Los Angeles. This machine hires out goons at a
rate of 25 cents per five minutes of employment.
Larger amounts of money increase the amount of
time the goon works for the client. The machine
accepts quarters, one-dollar bills, and five-dollar
bills. The goon you receive is totally random,
but will comply with your every wish for the allotted
time, so long as it pertains to goonish behavior
such as fighting, bodyguarding, carrying stuff,
burying stuff, etc. A complete listing of goonish
behavior can be found in the HGA terms of service.
Hired Goon Dispensers can be found alongside other
vending machines, ATM machines, and at other convenient
locations. |
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MegaClub
5000: Standard goon weaponry. Features
long, retractable steel spikes on the end, as
well as a rubber grip. Club comes in wood, lead,
and steel varieties. Traditionally, the MegaClub
5000 is extremely large and heavy, and is normally
only used by the biggest and strongest of goons. |
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Beginner’s
Guide to Ninjutsu: This helpful pamphlet
tells you everything that you need to do in order
to become a ninja, as well as outlining the fringe
benefits and special abilities you will obtain
as a ninja. It is a simply a matter of mastering
the many techniques in this pamphlet, as well
as going to ninja school for a couple of years
and paying a $50 registration fee to the Ninja
Union. Copyright 1988. Available at most Ninja
Factory Outlet Store locations, unemployment offices,
and the Totally Ninja! catalog. Serious
inquiries only. |
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Slurpifier™
and Super Slurp: Super Slurps are a popular,
ultra-sugary, fruit-flavored, frozen soft drink
found in many service stations, movie theaters,
and amusement parks, and are usually highly overpriced,
but purchased anyway because drinking them makes
you look totally cool. Available in 20 oz, 32
oz, and 44 oz sizes and orange, raspberry, lime,
and grape flavors.
The
Slurpifier Super Slurp Dispenser is large, colorful,
and draws much attention to itself. They are
prone to frequent malfunctions. Dispenses cups,
straws, lids, and drink flavors. |
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